transitions.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

sometimes i wished someone around me now,

said something like,

" i care about you ".

maybe a sentence like this would have brightened my day, or perhaps give me another false hope to move on with life happily.

i miss those words that can touch the heart of others, giving warmth.

i miss that feeling.

coming back to san diego, to find that things changed again was really surprising.
or am i the one who changed so much that i couldn't recognize myself.

9.25pm - no idea why i felt as if someone stabbed my heart, now i wonder if it was cupid or was it the devil.

i do feel that my " forgetfulness " often made me forget what people done to me. thats why i say something today and tomorrow i become like yesterday.

and

i'm pretty certain.

that many people hate me for things that i done and the most funny thing is they remember what i done to them but i always forgot what i done to them.

i end up being speechless, as always.

dunia sudah berakhir

Monday, May 28, 2007

maybe this is what people say, as you grow up. you lose more friends?

haha.

how weird is that. sometimes i often don't know what to feel.
maybe i changed too much, or have my friends changed.
i really feel abandoned this days.

so much distrust, betrayal going on right now.

call me shallow for judging people using assumptions, but perhaps its better that you put your guard even against your own friend, so as to avoid a even bigger disappointment.

right now, i don't know what i want nor i know what to say or who to trust.

people change so much the very next moment they could stab you in the back, then the front SO HARD, often the friendship between people just break and fade away.

okay maybe im exaggerating since its not so easy to break and fade away.

hahaha.

im so making myself such a clown these days.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

days, weeks and months passed.

i still feel so rubbishhy, if there was sucha word.

i think i like to try and fail. haha, even for exams. maybe because i can console myself so well.

Monday, May 21, 2007

im like so dead.

exams coming im still in emo state.

its the aftermath of the sungod festival too.

summer is coming and it reminded me a particulary few stuff, which also means im graduating in a year's time. what a funny joke, but im graduating. hahaha

i gotta study harder and work harder towards what i want in life ( okay i know im lying to myself again )

cause i just learned to enjoy life the -not proper - way hahaha oh gawd im so dead.

im getting lazy to blog cause i have no life here. i woke up at 9pm and go to dennys with emogirl and come home to sleep. thats so lame.

wellll.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

i feel so betrayed. so so so betrayed.

first i lost a girlfriend.

now i lost a friend.

whats next, god. surprise me? take away my family?

is that what you can do next.

then i'll give you a fucking middle finger.

FUCK YOU GOD DAMN IT.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

10 of may, 2007.

i hated myself more than anything. no, i hated my birthday more than anything.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

i feel abandoned. alone.

my eyes are red, my face is blushed yet i fill myself with sadness and hatred towards myself.

i question myself, but i have the answer.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

6th of may.
why do tears keep falling out of my eyes.

Friday, May 04, 2007

im so distracted and im sad.

can't believe i walked away with the wrong cart even after some lady called my name for like 5 times. she thought i was going to steal her cart.

and.

i walked away from my chef when he was talking to me and i was looking on the floor stonning.

im so stupid, emotionally and mentally. okay no diff.

stupid being stupid. i really wish i could allocate more of my brains to studying, but i couldnt. perhaps thats how the brain actually works. thats what i thought.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

i'm a useless son.
i'm a bad boyfriend.
i'm just good for nothing.

i wished i died at this moment.